It’s bound to happen, in relationships with those who we are often closest to, we end up focusing on all the things that bug us about the other person. Does the following sound familiar?
– I wish he/she would just….
-I wish he/she wouldn’t….
-I hate it when….
Psychologists and relationship experts have a little tool that helps persons view things from a different perspective. It is called “considering the opposite”, which in this case would be like:
-I like/love it when she/he …
By shifting perspectives, we allow our brains to appreciate the good rather than focusing on purely the negative.
I don’t think the goal of it is to simply ignore negative actions or attributes, but to recognize that 1) there might actually be a problem that might need to be discussed in a non-emotional way 2) that the counterparty is not merely full of negatives but has many positives as well (hopefully). 3) By viewing things from a balanced perspective, #1 is more easily obtained.